Private Bedrooms, Shared Dinners: How Friends Are Planning Retirement Together

As people age, they can become more isolated. Life gets lonely, perhaps because they've lost their partner or find it physically challenging to get out. That's when becoming part of a community starts to sound appealing. Joining a group with other older people, or moving into a shared home, puts company a little closer to hand.

There's a practical side to sharing, too. One kitchen, one garden to look after, someone else to split the chores with. The people in these three stories chose different arrangements, from a shared house to separate apartments with communal spaces. They all wanted people nearby.

Feeling Safe

Some people feel more vulnerable as they age. Although they cherish their own space and familiar surroundings, they also like having others close by in case they need help. For someone whose spouse has died, daily life can be difficult to manage alone, and a quiet house can feel very quiet indeed.

Living with others can put company within easy reach. It doesn't guarantee care if someone gets sick, though. That's something residents need to discuss rather than assume.

Retirement Version 2.0

By 2030, about one in five people in the U.S. is projected to be 65 or older. Baby boomers, people born between 1946 and 1964, are already thinking about what their later years will look like. Where to live is a fairly big part of that question.

The people in these stories weren't planning to sit at home and watch TV by themselves. They wanted company, and they were willing to change where they lived to get it. As you'll see, that didn't always mean sharing a house, or giving up their own kitchen.

These Guangzhou Women Lead the Way

In Guangzhou, China, seven friends would get together often, and the conversation usually turned to plans for retirement. None of them wanted to be alone and far from each other, so they devised an extraordinary plan. 

The seven friends pooled their money for a house where they planned to retire together. Reports put the project cost at about 4 million yuan, roughly $580,000 at the time, for a home of around 7,500 square feet. A video released in 2019 gave viewers a look around.

Friends Make Plans

The seven women described a friendship stretching back more than 20 years. They felt more like siblings than friends; that's how close they were. They'd get together to chat, and the conversation included everyone's plans for the future. They wanted a place where they could keep doing that as they grew older.

In 2018 they got serious about making a plan. With a ten-year age gap between the oldest and youngest, they were thinking well ahead. This was a future retirement project, rather than seven retirees moving in at once. Finding a house was the first large, practical step.

Total Serenity

The home they found needed work, but it had good bones. Originally built out of red brick, it was redesigned inside and out. Floor-to-ceiling windows bring in light, and the glass-walled tea room looks out over the greenery. You can see why that room attracted so much attention when the video appeared.

The house sits in a village outside Guangzhou, with views of paddy fields and green hills. Looking at the photographs, the outside scenery is almost part of the room. It's a rather appealing place to imagine sitting down for tea with friends you've known for years.

A Group Home with Privacy

The seven friends did an outstanding job of designing a home that provides both communal spaces and private rooms. At three-and-a-half stories, the house features two tea pavilions. One is outdoors, and the other is the floating room.   

Most of the communal space is on the main floor of the home. The kitchen is big enough for all of the friends to cook and eat together. Upstairs, there are spacious bedrooms for each woman, so they can retreat and have total privacy when they want it.

Many Women, Many Talents

The seven women talked about how their talents could complement one another. Some were good cooks, some played instruments, and there were everyday jobs to share, such as going shopping for food in the nearby village. Seven people bring quite a range of skills to one house.

Their retirement idea may give other friends something to talk about. You don't have to want a house this size to understand the appeal of having people you know nearby. In their case, they had been friends for years before they started making plans for rooms and kitchens.

Stumbling Upon the Solution

As they neared retirement, Rose Mark and her husband Larry were looking to leave their busy San Francisco neighborhood for somewhere calmer. Communal living hadn't been their original plan. Then they came across a place in Oakland that offered a way to have their own home and neighbors close by.

One day while house hunting, they saw the Phoenix Commons (which, despite its name, is not in Phoenix). The Phoenix Commons is a community for people aged 55 and older and is located in Oakland, California. 

At Home, Together

At Phoenix Commons, a retiree can have communal living and a private home at the same time. There are 41 units in the Commons, and residents own their homes.

They live in their own apartments but can also use the shared spaces. There is a large kitchen where residents can prepare meals together, and room for everyone to sit down and eat. By the way, each home has its own kitchen too. If you feel like cooking for yourself and staying in, you can do that. Dinner with the neighbors is an option, not an obligation.

Celebrating Together

Residents at Phoenix Commons enjoy many family and group events together. This includes potluck dinners, birthday parties, and holiday celebrations.  Many residents invite friends and family who live outside the Commons to join in.

The common spaces also give residents somewhere to read, meet or arrange activities together. Phoenix Commons describes lounges, recreational space and a workshop among its shared facilities. Having those rooms doesn't mean every day has to be organized for everyone. Sometimes the attraction is simply knowing there's someone nearby if you feel like company.

Deciding to Live in an ‘Intentional Community’

Communities built around a shared way of living are often called intentional communities. Phoenix Commons qualifies in that regard. In 2016, Rose Mark and her husband were among the first couples to move in. She thought that if her friends could see life there, it might ease their worries about giving up their independence.

For Rose, it was a mixture of having her own home and being part of a community. As people get older, they have plenty of questions about where to live. She described the feeling at Phoenix Commons as one of ‘security, safety, and peacefulness.’ That's what she had been looking for.

Retired Roomies

Did you think your days of having roommates ended decades ago? Consider these three women. Barb Coughlin and Mary Townley were 71, and Phyllis Brady was 66, when their shared-home arrangement was reported. Each had been living alone for around ten years before they decided to move in together.

Two were widowed and one was divorced. They wanted companionship and didn't much like the idea of spending the years ahead alone in separate houses. In their interview, the reason they gave for living together was quite straightforward: they wanted to end the loneliness.

A Fun Group

These three had been friends for over 40 years. Barb, Mary, and Phyllis were all living in London, Canada, and would see each other often, always enjoying each other’s company and hating to part after each meeting.  

After much discussion, the three decided to live together. They each sold their homes, then faced the task of cleaning them out. After all, they didn’t need three ovens!  So they each got rid of as much as possible, then pooled their finances to buy a home. Their friends are happy for the three women, who call their home “the party house.”

A Home that Fits the Life of a Retiree

When choosing a home for retirement, it's sensible to think about how it might work if getting around becomes harder. That was one of the things the three women considered. A house can look wonderful on moving day and still have stairs or a layout that becomes awkward later.

They knew that their new home needed to accommodate changes in their level of mobility as they aged.  They wisely chose a home with very few stairs and individual bedrooms and baths for each woman. There is also a finished basement (with a bar!). The kitchen and living room are considered joint spaces.

Loving It

Barb, Phyllis and Mary shared expenses and divided the jobs. They took turns with cooking, cleaning and upkeep. Saving money was a plus, but the company was what they spoke about most. There was someone else at home, and dinner didn't always mean cooking and eating by yourself.

At the time of their interview, they were happy with the decision. Phyllis said she hoped they could remain independent and keep the arrangement going for another 20 years. That was a hope for the future, of course. For the moment, the three friends had found a way of living they enjoyed.

How to Find the Right Community

When it's time to decide how and where you'll retire, each person has to figure out what's right for them. Some prefer a communal setup, including shared meals and events. Others value their privacy but want to be around people their own age.

Research is the first step, starting with community websites and conversations with people who already live there. Then go and have a look. Ask about costs, chores and what happens if someone needs more care. It's worth knowing who does the washing up as well as admiring the kitchen.

Company, With Room for Yourself

Some people harbor negative ideas about communal living, imagining being forced to eat every meal together and participate in activities they don’t like. But when you think about it, young adults live communally, share chores, and sometimes hang out together, so why can’t seniors do the same thing?  

The people in these stories made different choices about their homes. What they had in common was wanting company without giving up all their own space. A bedroom upstairs, an apartment down the hall, a shared kitchen: there are several ways to make room for both.