Unhinged, and Absolutely Hilarious Letters to Santa

By: Ronnie Tal | Last updated: Nov 26, 2023

Christmas is always such a fun and heartwarming time for friends and family, but it’s rarely just one singular moment or evening. The holidays often span across multiple days, weeks, and preparations for the main event. From Christmas dinner to opening presents to caroling and more, the festivities have only just begun as November rolls around.  To get your Christmas spirit’s worth some even start decorating and preparing just as Halloween ends. Most children’s introductions to this fun holiday season start with letters to Santa and these letters do not disappoint.

As a parent, a cousin, an Aunt, or an Uncle, no matter who you are, if you have children in your family, letter writing may just be one of the best highlights of the holiday season even for you. Children have some pretty wild and hilarious imaginations and when Santa is involved they get straight to business negotiating terms or offering up all the beer in the fridge. Here are some of the wildest letters to Santa that will have you rolling on the floor laughing.

Can't be Clearer

What do we want? A cat! When do we want it? Christmas! And in case Santa doesn’t speak English (or Chinese, or Italian, or Russian…) this little girl made sure to that her Christmas wish as clear as day. Now, even if we set aside the mind-blowing amount of languages that she seems to know, her sheer determination is nothing to sneeze at.

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Source: mmmel / Reddit

 If she doesn’t wake up on Christmas morning with a purring little companion, Santa’s sure to get an earful in at least five languages.

Ain't Got Time For Cheer and Jolly (Fa la la la la la la la la)

Look out, Santa, because this young boy has no time for silly pleasantries or “Ho Ho Ho”s, indeed, we’ve got a straight shooter on our hands. This little negotiator went straight to business and is not having any of that “batteries sold separately” stuff. We’ll take him straight to the law firm after Christmas. 

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Source: @Ciieerraaa__/twitter

In all honesty, when there is literally a world-long waiting list for present requests, who can afford to make small talk at a time like this anyway? We’ll go as far as to claim that this little businessman actually did Santa a favor by saving him some time.

No More, No Less

Well, it seems that Santa’s in for a real treat with this kid’s holiday wishlist! Picture this: a hoverboard, a snazzy golden watch, and not one, not two, but three fancy golden chains. This kid has some expensive tastes so we sure hope he is on the nice list, otherwise this is quite awkward.

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Source: B_Effin_G/twitter

But hold onto your sleigh bells, because the real chuckler here is the boy’s fascination with the number $29. Not a penny more, not a penny less – a cool $29. Poor Kris Kringle might have to call his financial advisor to figure out how to get this kid his exact change!

Saint Nick's Notice

If there’s one thing no one can say about Santa, is that he sucks at his job. Well, unless you’re this kid. Apparently, children don’t take too kindly to their house being skipped on Christmas. We don’t blame them, we would be upset too. This kid certainly had some words for ol’ Saint Nick.

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Source: ANinjaShadow / Via reddit.com

They made sure it was clear that dearest Santa was no longer welcome at their house and that his services were no longer needed. That is unless he’ll make sure to recognize their house next time. Do you think this kid will send HR after Santa if he doesn’t? Whether or not this child’s name is Karen, we hope this Santa letter has a happy ending.

Elementary, Santa

Is there anything more annoying than buying something you really want only to discover that one of its parts is missing? And on Christmas morning no less?! Well, this responsible little kid is taking precautions like the practical kid she is.

Source: boredpanda

She will stand for none of this debauchery from Santa so he better make sure that no parts of her gift are missing. And honestly, we could all learn a thing or two from her on how to take care of a problem before it happens- that would be her Christmas gift to us.

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Dear Santa, Please Drink Responsably

Anybody can leave out milk and cookies for Santa, but this kid knows how to really get on Santa’s good side. Not only does he welcome Santa to “grab a beer” while he’s dropping off presents, but he also helpfully provides directions.

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Source: anonymous/imgur

“The fridge is near the door,” he writes. If this kid were our nephew—like this anonymous uncle who posted his nephew’s letter—we’d be amused too but also concerned by his condoning of alcohol from such a young age. What you can’t dispute is that Flynn sure is resourceful, using all things in his fridge to his advantage. Good call on Santa’s part though for only accepting one beer, responsible sleigh driving, and reindeer navigating is just as important as in any other vehicle. 

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Overnight Reindear Delivery

Children today really know what they want, like this tech-savvy kid for example, probably the CEO of Santa’s Naughty or Nice Analytics sent the big guy a letter with an Amazon link to the ultimate toy wishlist.

Source: kcapulet/boredpanda

What could be more efficient than that? Now Santa’s sleigh is practically an Amazon Prime delivery van! Elves are baffled, and reindeers fear for their job security. But hey, at least Santa doesn’t need chimney access for this express delivery service!

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He’ll Believe It When He Sees It

This bold young elf laid down the law for Santa: “A ‘hampster’ for Christmas, or I’m going on a ‘Non-believer’ strike!”

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Source: jawn317 / Via reddit.com

 It’s a North Pole standoff. Santa’s scratching his head, wondering if a ‘hampster’ is a new North Pole craze. The elves are scrambling to figure it out, and the reindeer are contemplating hamster-sized sleighs. This kid’s determination may just outshine Santa’s magic this holiday season! Truly awe-inspiring.

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Cosanostra Christmas

Another ultimatum by a determined youngster who pulled no punches in their letter to Santa: “You better bring me a pony this year. Or there will be consequences.” The message was shared by an anonymous Reddit user and good thing it was anonymous because we don’t think threatening Santa is a good way to end up on the nice list.

Source: anonymous/reddit

This has an underlying mafia-like spirit written all over it, but this child certainly knows what they wants and is prepared to do everything to get it. But the real head-scratcher here is, what kind of “consequences” can one really threaten Santa with? It’s a demand that’s tough to overlook, and it leaves us all curious about the potential.

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Always the Bridemaid

In a whimsical letter to Santa, a curious kid dropped a surprise. “P.S. Are you real, Santa? P.P.S. I love Jesus more, though, don’t get mad.” It’s like that dreaded friendzone moment, when your crush tells you she likes you as a friend, maybe because she’s got a thing for your other friend.

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Source: @n8rz / twitter

Santa’s likely left wondering if he needs a more convincing act. Either way, this child’s got a quirky sense of Christmas priorities.

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A Particularly Political Present

In an unexpected holiday wish, a little firecracker of a kid penned a letter to Santa with a unique request: “a new president.” Talk about an ambitious holiday spirit! Santa must be scratching his snowy head, wondering if his workshop has the power to deliver that particular gift.

Source: gnarlaycharlay/ boredpanda

This child has taken the naughty or nice list to a whole new level, asking for political miracles alongside toys. Clearly, they’ve got a keen eye on current events.

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Santa’s Off thee Grid

In an adorable letter to Santa, a little one asked the big man a head-scratcher, “I couldn’t call you ’cause I didn’t know your phone number! What is it?!!?!!” It’s like trying to reach Kris Kringle via the North Pole’s Yellow Pages.

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Source: vintageblues / Via reddit.com

 Santa’s probably thinking, “Ho-ho-how do I explain no cell service up here?” This kid’s curiosity has Santa contemplating an upgrade from his sleigh bells to a snazzy North Pole hotline.

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Shake His Belly Like a Ball Full of… Veggies?

As we read this cute letter, our first thought is that this kid’s just concerned about Santa’s well-being. But nope, it’s not about Santa’s diet or exercise routine. It’s all about the toys! 

Source: SliggitySly/imgur

The little one’s thinking practical – Santa’s belly and all those gifts might be a bit much for the reindeer to handle. It’s a down-to-earth twist on the Santa story – presents first, Santa’s health second!

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The Little Non-Believer

In a letter that’s a festive plot twist, this clever kid decided to address their holiday wish to “Gloria and Jesus.” No mincing words here! The request: “I want a Nintendo Switch. Santa does not exist.”

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Source: bigbabyjesus76 / Via reddit.com

It’s like they’re cutting out the middleman of Kris Kringle. Maybe they figure Gloria and Jesus have a more direct line to the good stuff. Santa might be left pondering if he should consider a career switch to “Santa’s Public Relations Manager.”

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Be More Specific Next Time

When asked to write a letter to Santa, one creative kid took the instruction quite literally. Instead of listing toys, they penned the entire alphabet – A to Z. Perhaps they thought they’d cover all the bases, from “action figures” to “zeppelins.”

Source: dalekmania/boredpanda

 It’s like a cryptic message only Santa’s elfish cryptographer could decipher. Santa must be thinking, “I’ve received wish lists, but this one’s an epic alphabet soup of desires!” This child’s clever twist on letter writing deserves an A+ for originality.

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P.S.: I’m Watching You

Pint-sized prankster Kristin had a unique strategy for securing her presents. “Dear Santa, I’m sorry for yelling and being mean. Will you still bring me presents? Love, Kristin.” But Kristin wasn’t taking any chances; she bombarded Santa with a flurry of P.S.’s, practically creating a North Pole postscript vortex.

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Source: vivi2012 / Via reddit.com

 It’s like she’s trying to smother Santa in politeness. Kristin’s letter is a comedy of Christmas errors, proving that even good intentions can be wrapped in hilarity.

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Chrismukkah

In a whimsical twist on tradition, a young Jewish child sent Santa a charming note:”I’m Jewish but I really like you. Can you give me a present?” Not content with just that, this little chap tacked on a witty P.S., “Please don’t give me coal!”

Source: psychie/ boredpanda

 It’s like saying, “Santa, I may not do chimneys, but I know the ‘Naughty List’ is a no-go!” Santa’s probably chuckling, thinking, “Who can resist that kind of holiday enthusiasm?”

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Reindears Aren’t Enough

This kid’s Christmas wish isn’t your standard fare. It’s not just a unicorn they’re after; it’s a rainbow unicorn with a peculiar talent – ice cream-producing rear ends! As if that weren’t whimsical enough, they wrap it up with an exclamation: “P.S. I better get it too!!!”

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Source: snryan425/instagram

 It’s as if they’re laying down the law with Santa. This cheeky request takes imaginative gift demands to a whole new level, leaving us all wondering how on Earth Santa might deliver such a fantastical creature.

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Loving Leo

One kid didn’t hold back on their Christmas wish. They didn’t ask for toys or games but went straight for the stars, quite literally, asking for Leonardo DiCaprio himself. It’s like having a Hollywood heartthrob as the ultimate stocking stuffer! You can’t get any better than that.

Source: RennBrown/ boredpanda

The North Pole’s entertainment coordinator might be in for a challenge if they even have one. Let us hope that they do or else Santa has his work cut out for him. But hey, Santa’s all about spreading cheer, even if it involves celebrity matchmaking.

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He’s On to You!

In an unexpected plot twist, one fiery youngster didn’t sugarcoat their letter to Santa. “Dear Santa (AKA Mom and Dad), I HATE YOU, and I HATE CHRISTMAS, YOU RUINED IT!” It’s like they discovered the Grinch’s secret for Christmas card-writing.

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Source: tmbcake13 / boredpanda

 Santa’s probably thinking, “Whoa, someone’s on the naughty list!” This kid definitely chose the direct approach, leaving Santa and the parents scratching their heads and wondering what happened to the holiday cheer.

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Baby Blues

The letter, hilariously shared by Reddit user Wpac56, opens with a whimsical twist: “Dear: Santa Claws.” But the real comedy gold comes as young Thomas decides to lay out a case against his baby brother. In his misspelled charm, he insists, “I don’t think our baby brother should have presents this year.

Source: Wpac56/reddit

He is hurting us, and he said you are trash. So think about giving him presents.” It’s like he’s the North Pole’s tattletale-in-chief. Who knew holiday diplomacy could be this entertaining?

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In His Own Words

In a delightful twist on letter writing, one imaginative kid sent Santa an envelope filled with nothing but wavy lines. It’s like they’ve tapped into a new form of hieroglyphics, communicating in the universal language of squiggles.

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Source: davetbison / boredpanda

Santa, baffled by this abstract correspondence, is probably checking his “Rosetta Stone: Kid Edition” to decipher the cryptic message. It’s a whimsical approach to holiday wish fulfillment, and who knows, maybe those wavy lines hold the key to the North Pole’s best-kept secrets!

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Have a Holly, Jolly Chicken

In a culinary curveball of a Christmas wish, one little foodie-in-the-making sent Santa an unexpected request for stuffed chicken. Forget toys and gadgets; this kid’s aiming for the gourmet experience.

Source: boredpanda

Santa’s probably pondering whether to call up the elves or a top chef! Maybe he’ll team up with the Gingerbread Man and whip up a feast. Either way, this child’s taste buds have set the holiday bar high, transforming the North Pole into a five-star restaurant this season!

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In Sickness and in Health

Ella, at the tender age of 9, sent Santa a burning inquiry: “What happens if you get sick on Christmas Eve?” It’s the kind of question that’s been whispered around the cookie plate for ages. After all, one man single-handedly circles the globe in one night to spread joy; what if he catches a cold?

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Source: Fuzzhead171/reddit

 Ella’s curiosity has finally put it out there, and we’re grateful for her bravery in tackling the festive mysteries. It’s high time we address Santa’s health benefits!

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Christmas Cleanup

In an endearing letter to Santa, a kid extended an invitation with a virtual twist: “There are three of my Nintendo games set out for you” It’s like offering the keys to the North Pole arcade, but the chuckles don’t stop there.

Source: passion4pizza / Via reddit.com

They cleverly added a cheeky P.S., “Please clean my room.” A little housekeeping never hurt anyone, right? It’s a deal sweetener for Santa’s visit, making this young negotiator a real pro at striking a festive bargain.

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Christmas With a Side of Chicken

In a letter to Santa, a young visionary asked for a quirky combo: “I want an order of French fries, a computer, and a single chicken nugget.” While the computer request is a no-brainer, the others may leave Santa with some questions. Only one nugget?

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Source: ricanchick760/instagram

 Well, it’s like ordering a lavish three-course meal and a single, solitary crouton. We’re guessing Santa might be shaking his head and wondering if nuggets and fries require a holiday miracle. After all, waiting for Christmas might make that nugget taste just a tad more magical!

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A Very VC Christmas

The letter from this young entrepreneur to Santa was pure comedy gold. In it, he ‘fessed up to his past shenanigans and gave Santa a big shoutout for the Christmas letter. But the real kicker was his wild request for this year.

Source: vivi2012 / Via reddit.com

“what I want for Christmas this year is 53 million dollars” is going to be a tough sell even if we do manage to sell it for that much it wouldn’t be the responsible thing to do. The whole family must have cracked up at the boldness of the little businessman, and you can bet Santa had a good chuckle too. We can hear his “Ho, Ho, Ho!” from here.

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Santa’s Underwater Undertaking

In a note addressed to the jolly man himself, a youngster expressed a rather fanciful desire: “A shark that goes underwater and grabs me corndogs that are already baked” This out-of-the-box request hints at a beachfront extravaganza with a corndog-retrieving marine sidekick.

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Source: Mcd723/ boredpanda

And that’s without even mentioning the child’s obvious obsession with Paw Patrol and their own set of plates. Santa might just require an extra roomy sleigh for this exceptionally unique gift.

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Santa’s B&E

We’re not sure what exactly happened last Christmas, but it seems that this you little Elizabeth to extra safety measures with her stuff! In a letter to Santa, young Elizabeth made a simple request: “Hey Santa, can you please not touch my things this year?”

Source: melissadzielski / boredpanda

She wanted to protect her prized possessions from Santa’s curious hands. And here we’re left wondering, what on god’s green earth would make a girl ask Santa not to go through her stuff?! Very suspicious indeed. Has Santa been naughty or are the elves the culprits? 

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Part Don’t Stop ‘Till Six in the Morning

We couldn’t help but chuckle when we read this letter from a Redditor, whose kid asked Santa to come before his alarm went off. At six in the morning. On Christmas. What kind of a jolly morning is that supposed to be?!

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Source: Fapmiester/reddit

 Setting an alarm on Christmas at the crack of dawn? Santa might appreciate a bit more time, but we’re confident he’ll find that left-leaning stocking! Because if nothing else, at least this kid knows how to give proper instructions.

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The Kid in the White Hat

It’s nice to know that your kid has a moral compass. Just take a look at this little number, where, in a missive penned for the big guy up North, the little dude put forth an unconventional wish, asking for a GTA5 game.

Source: gothamite27/boredpanda

 But don’t worry, because this tiny vigilant adds that: I just want to play with the cars (not the hookers)”. Very thoughtful of him indeed. Santa might need some extra storage in his sleigh for this one.

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The Nice, the Naughty, and the Nihilist

In this post, we uncovered a treasure trove of holiday humor, we think. According to this kid, the “notty” list seems to have gone on a diet, while the good list has vanished entirely. Is Santa struggling with his lists, or maybe he’s just embracing a carefree, non-judgmental approach to gift-giving? We aren’t sure Santa’s gut can take all this criticism. 

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Source: MichaelRahmani/reddit

And that parting shot, “Your life is empty,” takes the Yuletide roast to a whole new level. That being said, you’ve got to appreciate the kid’s honesty here.  He’s destined for great things.

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Santa Get’s a Reality Check

You can only fool a child for so long before they realize they’ve been duped. In this letter, the child not only disses ‘Ol Saint Nick for not existing, but actually goes as far as to say that even if he was, his whole reindeer act would be a total sham.

Source: @NacieLou13/ twitter

It looks like nothing is getting past this kid even at such a young age. His impressive use of logic, space, and time has us amused. You’ve gotta give it to him, his argument here is quite convincing since reindeer do not fly indeed. Touch grass, Santa.

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She Makes the Decisions

Josie has Santa’s priorities all figured out. The man in red only cares about two crucial things: have you uttered any naughty words to your folks and given anyone the old one-finger salute?

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Source: SparkyBrown/reddit

No? Well, you’re in the clear! As we can see in this little letter, Josie officially staked her claim on the nice list. Santa’s simple criteria ensure this little one is on track for some sweet holiday goodies.

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A Worrying Wishlist

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me- an AK 47 assault rifle?! This is the moment for all parents to thoroughly check their children’s letter to Santa, because they may hide an unsettling surprise.

Source: whatsaflashbang/ boredpanda

Tucked between a Lego set and “any Nintendo game”, this little girl wanted some serious firepower. Let us hope that she gets a serious talk after writing this, and maybe a good hug from Mommy. Just in case.

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Santa’s Pastry Ratings

There’s nothing quite like a curious child. And what is cuter is the fact that sometimes they don’t let anything stand in the way of their will to know, not only at the price of their precious Christmas present.

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Source: Trezi/boredpanda

 “I don’t care what you give me,” writes little Olivia, because she only cares about one thing: “What are your favorite and least favorite cookies?” Well, to say that that’s adorable would be an understatement. We bet she got his cookie plate just right despite asking Santa how much he weighs. We think some questions are best left to the imagination. 

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Bodyshaming Santa?!

Well here’s a child that doesn’t care for any shaking of a belly like a ball full of jelly. “Dear Santa,” she writes, “I Think That You Should Be A Lot More Skinnier So On The Back Side There Is A Picture Of You Being Skinnier.”

Source: RandomFlotsam/boredpanda

 Not only does she criticize Santa’s looks, but she also gives him somewhat of an inspirational image! We know who’s gonna get some coal in their stocking this year.

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Manners Matter

We all want to believe that our kids are gonna grow up to be cute, well-mannered little munchkins, but alas, some of them just don’t seem to get the idea of politeness. 

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Source: daveo794/boredpanda

That is not the case with this little princess, that completely internalized the fact that once you ask for something, you gotta add “Please” after. Even when it comes to Santa. To ass even more cuteness, this kind of made her letter look like a little poem. Adorable.

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The King in the North!

Step aside, Jon Snow, there is a new King in the North- and he comes bearing gifts. We’re not sure if this kid watched one too many episodes of GoT, or if he misunderstood the concept of Santa, but the result remains the same- and it’s absolutely hilarious.

Source: boredpanda

Because while we’ve been sitting here, imagining Santa as this chubby, playful factory manager, here comes this kid with a whole other vision.

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Christmas With a Cold One

Remember those good old days in kindergarten, when you would come home, take off your shoes, and enjoy your evening with a crisp can of beer? No? good. Kids should stick to chocolate milk and juice, not an IPA brew.

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With that in mind, maybe you’ll help us, because we’re not sure what’s going on in this household, but this little writer who CLAIMS to be 29, for obvious reasons, might need a serious parental intervention. Very suspicious indeed.

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Christmas Coupons

Where do you think Santa gets all his presents from? The elf factory? Somewhere out in the snow? or maybe he just makes a short trip to his nearest Walmart! It may sound funny to you, but this little girl took it all too seriously.

Source: boredpanda

Not only did she give Santa catalog images, she also made sure that he knew exactly where to go, and didn’t forget the price tag. Her parents surely have their hands full with this little dainty one.

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